Word Of Advice – Be Careful Who You Let In

For so long I personally have witnessed and battled with the kind of people this thought refers to. You know little of pain until you are caught in the war and chaos created by a divisive person.

Divisive people like to create an ecosystem based around them and often their divisiveness is rooted in control of the ecosystem that feeds your destiny. Divisive people always seek to control the strings of vital relationships that feed your work, inspiration and those that give you validation.

They spend the most time seeking an explanation for your preservation, Deliverance & transformation. They want the keys to everything that makes you unique as though they will unlock your next level of growth but really left up to them they would rather put you in the grave of unfulfilled potentials. Having been around them, having been in the midst of them I want you to know that the conversation is not about your well-being but about exposing you to humiliation.

So mind yourself, be conscious that discussion about your plans, future, well-being is not supposed to be happening with people who by nature only see how they can dig holes rather than mount stepping stones.

I’m sure in 2017 you have wised up even if its just a little bit.

KIngly regards

King V

 

 

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Relationship Notes:- Thoughts about My Mrs

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If my wife could rap bars that would be a shambles..
But my wife speaks words of wisdom just check her twitter handles

We belong together like a tweet and a hash tag
To me shes more attractive than the sexiest girl
in a black dress with black heels and a black bag

More Money isn’t everything, she reminds me Im a boss
When I clocked I was a King and she was the Queen
I was prepared to pay the cost

Daily I Grow with her by my side,
And so we Live like we on the otherside
I Love her with the Love of Christ

I will continue to show her more reasons why
I am the right guy, By Loving her with the right mind

Her respect in my life is a bright light that defines
Little wonder people like me always sound like a star who Just saw a sign.

In reality, my wife Mrs Lola Vito is an inspiration to a lot of my present actions. She inspires me and others in the most interesting ways. Shes a woman of quality words and quality actions. She seeks to help me and others whenever needed. She is the woman that saw me where I was and sees me for the man that I am now and the man that I need to be.

To my brothers I wish many more of you would find or at least accept some help on to keep a good woman. Hey with your permission I will some day sit you down and encourage you to be the right man for a good woman.

A GOOD WOMAN DOESNT just LOOK GOOD but she IS GOOD. She knows her worth and keeps her eyes on the truth behind everything. She is not in love with just the idea of marriage she actually respects the man shes married to. She is growing up in perfection(Mature application of her greatest virtues and is in constant awareness of the grace available for her greatest weaknesses). She like any woman ready for a greater life becomes uncomfortable with changes she needs to make but before long she becomes the change that she wants to see. Lola has earned her place in my life without compromises but through consistency and standing for the right things.

IN REFLECTION
All men look at women but very few men even know who they are looking for. Very few men are honest with themselves let alone with the women they look at.

People keep asking Where are all the good men gone? Probably under a mountain of issues brought on by compromise, pride, pleasure, side chicks and some because they dont have the money to appear like he wants to the woman of his “wet dreams”.

Where are all the good women gone? Somewhere making money, spending money beneath the compromise of habitually dating unworthy men whilst searching for someone who they “DO NOT KNOW 🙈” and most times cannot see. Too many “good women” are stuck mistaking fools(careless men) for kings(Lovers and leaders) and too many “kings” are turning side chicks into housewives.

I hope in your search for Love you will learn to avoid the pitfalls that come with experimentation and impulse. You have my support at your disposal and dont be shy to ask the questions you need to.

‘Remember Valentines is A Day, Love is a Lifestyle’

@MrVitoSpeaks

Leadership Notes: Influence and Attacks from Glory Hunters

Just realised I was one of those guys who never got picked for the 1st team 👀! loooool.

Disheartening I know but useful. Not being picked first always allowed me to see where people put their respect. It helped me to understand structure and ranking.

On the other hand not being picked for the first team felt somehow, like people couldnt trust me to deliver, majorly because they knew nothing about what I could do neither did they want to know. So in true false humility I hid behind what I thought was “Team” at that time. What I didnt realise is that I was neglecting my opportunity to be seen by always waiting for someone to finally pick me. I now know more than ever that I had to become a captain of my own team. I built up an awareness of encouragement and utilised even the little affirmation I recieved from those who cared including one of my amazing mentor Ms Edith Adesioye (CEO of Rehoboth Syndicate Consultancy). Acknowledging that I was no longer the victim of someone elses selfishness put me in better postion to deliver my goods.

The truth is we all want to be known for what we can do and what we can contribute however in our silence sometimes we are overshadowed by the Vanity of Glory hunters(People who live off your hard work and cut off your recognition) which overtakes our visibility.
Glory Hunters are usually a hinderance to your progress if you permit them consistent access to depreciate your personal values and peer pressure you into the corner of silence. They hunt for the credit on your effort and they go after the seed of your consistency.

I assure you, you must keep doing what you do and get wiser with your application of loyalty, why be loyal to people who are just present instead of people who PRESENT YOU? Glory hunters get tired especially when important work needs to get done and run out of steam when you the one full of “glory” divert your attention to the important people.
At which point what you were in secret becomes highly visible. Whatever happens dont stop chugging along and strengthening the value systems that got you to where you and keep you going. Remember this, Glory Hunters will will always be present when some form of success comes but dont depend on them for the fuel to achieve more.

When you decide to be the captain of your team make sure you dont have glory hunters in your midst.

#LeadershipNotes
All things said with Love and Respect
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Leadership Notes: Reflection And New Thinking

I sincerely hope that my thoughts find you strong and well. As we wrap up 2013 I just want to thank everyone who was a part of my personal developmental process. Admittedly it is not easy to just share ones thoughts especially when they go against the grain of people you may still be talking to and engaging with on a regular basis. Anyway I share because I care, it is what it is.

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Over time I have come to find that if you have a voice, you should speak and in doing so be prepared to accept whatever comes with that voice being heard and that includes the perks and the set backs. In 2013 I encountered so many interesting people who have some great views as well as some with not so great views in relation to mine. I learnt something from all of them and I sincerely hope that they have learnt something from me.

Ironically when we think of our personal development and its implications we rarely look at its impact on others. People who are self focused assume that personal development is all about “Me, Myself, And I” but really the best benefits are usually received by the people right next to you. A better me means that I give better advice to those in need of it, a better me means I see less of myself and more of the amazingness of the people around me. A better me means I trust people with the things that I discern they can handle rather than just what they say with their mouths.

In reflection there is very little I would do differently in 2013. I have made mistakes most especially mistakes unique to my Purpose and my desire to help others.

2014 is that time to improve as I realise what needs to be changed rather than waiting for time to go by before I look closer.

3 Things To do differently In 2014…

1) Stop assuming that just because someone has nodded their head in agreement to something you said it means that they are on the same boat as you concerning all other thoughts around the subject. Its likely that truth is as fleeting as a phone call or whatsapp broadcast. (They never take it seriously unless theres something tangeble in it for them)
“The truth looks good in the time of seeking but its very difficult to maintain in the time of testing”
When you share with someone something that you have discovered to be true over time and they seem on your side but when they are tested on that conviction they crumble and give all the excuses as to why its not such a big deal then perhaps you were never really in agreement. Please get it now. In the absence of agreement even the truth we agreed on can and will become our biggest source of dispute.

2) Leaving important decisions to indecisive people.
In dealing with people you will notice traits that destroy that persons well being as well as yours. When you forsake your convictions because someone is yet to decide which side they are on through their conduct, you subconsciously slow yourself down from progressive development.
You become an accessory to their indecisions.

“Indecision is an enemy to who you are going to be if you already know what you are doing.” Martin Vito

3) Put your hands up when you have tried your best to help and it has been rejected. I am in no way encouraging you to give up on “People” but I am encouraging you to give up on the messy situations in your life that pertain to someone else’s shortcomings most especially when they are not willing work with you. I believe in investing in people but I do not believe in allowing your time to be consumed by wild goose chases.

a) Its a wild goose chase when your contributions are taken with negligence.
b) Its a wild goose chase when your words and actions match up but they still dont believe you have integrity.
c) Its a wild goose chase when you Love them but they dont expect some heat for inconsistency.

Helping a friend is a good thing, but helping a friend and foresaking destiny well thats just dumb. So forgive me if it idoesnt seem like Im interested in chasing someone trying to hide.

That being said Im very much looking forward to speaking at length with those who want to be helped beyond the consmetic level of transformation. Matters of the heart are not taken lightly when they affect your destiny.

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So much more good to come for those who seek answers without reservation.

All things said with Love and Respect
For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
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mrvitouk@gmail.com
@MrVitoSpeaks

Friendship Short Notes :- Friend or Foe?

“Frenemy” (alternately spelled “frienemy”) is a portmanteau of “friend” and “enemy” that can refer to either an enemy pretending to be a friend or someone who really is a friend but is also a rival. The term is used to describe personal, geopolitical, and commercial relationships both among individuals and groups or institutions. The word has appeared in print as early as 1953.

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You are reaching that stage in your life where you need to take giant leaps of faith towards what you know to be the next level. Check your company. Some folks shouldn’t be on board your vehicle. They are too busy behaving like anchors at the times you need to set sail and sails when you need to be anchored. You have to be brave enough to step away, break away from friends who are not bringing out the best in you. You must also then be brave enough to stick with those who are fighting for your progress and promotion. Good friendships are not the result of natural selection they are the result of well informed choice. When you defend and fend for Frienemies you inevitably develop a bad taste for good friends. Unfortunately the road to destruction is paved with Frienemy intentions. You also have to quit trying to forge genuine relationships with ingenuine people. Don’t be the reason why your integrity is sold down the river because you were trying to impress a fake smiler when you could have stood better with a genuine person. Sometimes Frienemies get things quicker than Friends and the temptation to stray down the path of discovery with the “know it all” frienemy rather than the “Im discovering with you friend” is strong but if you want to maintain your integrity be sure to check the intentions of your company. Remember your true success is not really about you but what you choose to entertain you.

All things said with Love and Respect
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Relationship Short Notes :- Sex and The Man

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The truth is some of us need to be smarter with where our impulses lead us. The Lower half of your body is a treasure you have to take care of with a discerning mind. Your sexual expression is a gift that you can preserve for your good until marriage and in marriage. It can also be used for the downfall of yourself and the person you supposedly care about. Find me a man who is steering away from sleeping with multiple women and searching for a wife and I will show you a man worthy of honour and respect. Why would a boy be considered a man when cannot not put childish things away? Surely at some point EVERYMAN has to put his sexual health first and his heart right by seeking some help to redefine himself because up until then multiple partners have fragmented his soul into a black hole of uncertainty and indecision.

Your lower half is a treasure you must protect not with a condom but with your mind. For once in your life consider how sleeping around affects your bigger picture. If sleeping around doesn’t distort or ruin your bigger picture then maybe you need to expand your canvas…

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All things said with Love and Respect
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Relationship Short Notes :- Stop Trippin!

Today’s thought is about the subject of Love and attraction.
Are you the kind of person who falls in love easily or gets into a relationship without counting the cost. Perhaps it’s time to start discerning exactly why you keep deciding on the same types of men/women. Attraction is about taste and whenever I speak to people I encourage them to change their tastes. Bad relationships are like unhealthy food. You never know the consequences of your diet until you’re sick or worse on your death bed. All these frequent pleasures of the eyes you enjoy without checking for the reasons some things are attractive. Many of us are attracted to what looks good but we find it hard to get along with those who are good. Those who are good and reliable, and faithful we make them our least considered friends but those who suit our tastes we make our romantic pursuits..something’s clearly not right and you my dear friend need to find out what it is..

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Bad Friends and Bad Vibes

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When you look at the world we live in and the hard times we encountered in our childhood you will find that with brokenness of the heart comes a strong desire to arise in and wield power. This kind of power we want is for a strong sense of control and self esteem.. What happens when a broken person seeks to wield unhealthy forms of power on you..
Today I want to speak to those of us who keep friends who are manipulators..

Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics. By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at ANOTHER’S EXPENSE, such methods could be considered exploitative, abusive, devious and deceptive. Social influence is not necessarily negative.

When your friends become your manipulators there is a problem bigger than you on it’s way. A real friend will tell you.. “Watch out for that problem… This is for your benefit” a manipulator will keep their mouth shut and hope you don’t make it.. But how do we know we are being manipulated..?
Maybe the key is to unlock the conversation on what characteristic makes us vulnerable to being manipulated.

Do you suffer from the following?
1) The “disease to please” : Are you always looking for the perfect way to please others to the extent that you run yourself into the ground and destroy yourself and other good people in the process…? You may be stuck in an emotional cycle that is ruining you and making you susceptible to manipulation. In fact you are great candidate for manipulation.

2) Do you suffer from an Addiction to earning the approval and acceptance of others?
Do you consider yourself at the bottom and always trying to get to the top by beating your friends? Well it is likely you can be a victim of manipulation by those you place first on the stage of your life..it’s highly likely you will choose pretentious people over genuine ones..
You have to grow smart enough to know that true elevation does not happen through addiction to anything..in fact depression is usually the result. It’s time to turn a new leaf and find friends who want to see you progress..

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3) Do you suffer from, Emotophobia (fear of negative emotion; i.e. a fear of expressing anger, frustration or disapproval) Yep you too could be the victim of manipulation from dangerous friends. There is this general consensus that you never get angry about anything but you and I both know that is a lie.. You do get angry but you bottle it up and unleash that anger on the unsuspecting. You may very well become the manipulator if you are not careful..learn to express exactly how you feel and even as you pour out be mindful of everything you’re pouring.

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4) Do you lack of assertiveness and ability to say no?
Again you too are vulnerable to experience manipulation. As my mentor once said you “people” in this case the manipulators will use you and use you and use until you can’t be used anymore. You know they are dangerous because they get real mad when you can’t help them anymore. First it’s their disappointment then the manipulation intensifies…

5) Do you feel you have a blurry sense of identity (with soft personal boundaries)?
Well you will inevitably be manipulated..
“never stop doing good deeds but always remember that even goodness has self control” let every good deed be a decision not an under handed coercion by someone who wants what you are…

If you already know your manipulators and think that they are up to no good it’s time to walk free of their mental remote controls.. Learn to say no and ask questions when you don’t understand them. Don’t be a slave but be conscious of your service to them.. Endeavour to stay sober and its likely you will catch manipulators out but if you fall for their charms and wits you may very well end up weeping..

All that being said

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All things said with Love and Respect
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Relationship Notes:- Visual Relationship DeTox 4 Women

THE VISUAL DETOX

If every good woman I know wants to be a wife in charge of her household then I prefer to be honest and frank. I want to see all the beautiful women I know loved and cherished. -@MrVitoSpeaks

In all fairness, what you are preparing for when you talk about being a wife is not just a role you watch on TV, its a defining role that isn’t for actors. Its for brave women ready to step up to the plate. There is no use in idealising being a wife and not doing the prep to connect to the Right man. A good man can make the difference between heaven & hell or particularly a woman happy or a woman scorned! Although my advice to clear up your mind vision may sound extreme, I’m going to require you to change your eyes, if not your glasses. (Brace Yourselves)

DeTox

Throw out or box or Delete:
a) DVDs that strongly influence your ideas on love. Especially, sexually driven films/dramas. (Is the Love you see there, the love you have had in real life?)

b) Tabloid Magazines about Celebrity Love, Love Novels that contain graphic depictions of sexual activity and any kind of promiscuity. (I’m Single Handedly ruining your Lifestyle here)

c) Photos of Half Naked sexualized men on your laptop and phones. i.e Airbrushed “Perfect Men”

d) Get rid of the Ex boyfriends in every single way you can imagine, delete phone numbers, BBMs, WhatsApps, Pictures, Naked Pictures. DELETE DELETE DELETE. Certain memories keep giving you strength to return to your vomit.

I’m not saying you should abandon entertainment altogether, but I’m saying move from addiction to responsible management. This involves breaking away and doing without it for as long as you can without relapsing-@MrVitoSpeaks

I say this in respect to the female heart. These things are known to poison your genuine and right ideas of Love. You need to reset your mind for fruitful love and that will not happen whilst watching “Scandal”, “Real Housewives of Anywhere” or “Love and Hip Hop” or “Porn”.

What you think is reality is really someone’s entertaining edited glossed version of situations and some of them staged conveniently for “Drama” and “Arousal”. -@MrVitoSpeaks

When you think your life is filmed in HD you stop actually interacting and live like what you fantasise. Fascinated by appearance but never stopping to investigate what you think “IDEAL” is in reality.

The truth is you need to engage in some habit changing wholesome conversations, reading, socialising with Genuine People & Couples. To be a wife is a royal thing. You don’t become royalty by watching people entertain you.

You become royalty by pursuing your purpose and doing it passionately. -@MrVitoSpeaks

By working with the man you love towards a greater goal than your “Exhaulted Ego” “Exhaulted Beauty” and “Awards”. Being a wife isn’t about entertainment but it is full of entertaining moments.

That charm you pull off so well on social networking sometimes only works on the internet. It may get you into a mans bed but after that you wont be allowed into his head. -@MrVitoSpeaks

That being said I may sound like a man on a mission to transform you or at least spark a thought. All I ask is that you think about this and manage your intake of addictive media. A clear mind is the first sign post to locating the Love that you need to be the best version of you.

It was an ordinary weekday morning when Caroline first noticed how much pornography was taking over her life. With 15 minutes to go before she was due to leave for a job interview, she opened up her laptop to print off an extra copy of her CV and there, onscreen, was a grab she’d saved from a porn site.

“I remember the feeling of being sucked in, really wanting that two-minute fix, that numbness I got when I used porn,” says Caroline. “I was stressed out, and I risked being late for my interview, but I pressed play anyway and fast-forwarded it to the bit I wanted. It took two minutes.” But the relief was to be short-lived. “Afterwards I just hated myself for giving in and getting off on images that treated women like pieces of meat. But I kept going back.” -Guardian Article

If you would like to know what to do from this point check out what my wife has to say.

@LolasWord

http://lolasword.wordpress.com/2013/04/11/rome-wasnt-built-in-a-day-neither-is-a-wife/

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3 Things that Clean Up Your Destiny

3 Things To Do To Clean Up Your Destiny

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1) Stop swearing
The mouth is the true fire starter, its the place where Issues are kindled and some destroyed. A Lot of people disrespect their destiny and that of others with their poor expressions of opnion. Often a person will swear and curse in midst of their sentence, yet little do they know not only do they corrupt themselves but the people who honour them with time.
When you value your mouth less you value your connections even less. I personally dont like people swearing around me I find it offensive. Now thats just me but say for instance you are looking to win over prospective partners for anything, if your mouth is filled foul things its going to be very hard because potential partners can offend easily. Its as simple as purifying your mouth for the sake of your destiny and that of others.

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2) Do not sleep around anymore.
Sex is powerful, I have often called it the bonding Glue between a man and his wife. Now when that glue is used between the wrong people for selfish purposes, well lets just say Destiny is at stake now……
Every man or woman that you sleep with carries all his own burdens, they carry all their own enemies. When you sleep with someone you make an open declaration to the world that whatever you do to this man/woman you do to me. Sometimes we carry shame from past relationships not because we want to but because we slept with the person. We carry hatred, anger, lies and all these other negative characteristics because we slept with that person. I recently watched a program called Unsafe sex in the city and when one was asked the question about their sexual history ove the past three months and some would say 80!!
Thats more than nasty, thats personal prostituion. Heres the truth, your mind, body, and spirit will pay the ultimate price for every body that you lay with, its only a matter of time.

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3) Control Your Thoughts
Let no man lie to you about the fact that your thoughts represent a large quantity of what you will become. If indeed your thoughts are focused on things that will build your life and that of those around you then youre in a good place. I personally recommend upgrading from positive thought to Godly thought I say this mainly because what some people reguard as positive is slowly changing. We are calling what is Bad Good and What is good bad. Now Biblical thought and lifestyle is timeless, it stays the same yet it is able to transform a mans thought from foolishness to meaningful, purposeful living. Any man or woman of influence will tell you that Athesim is not able to make you successful because it is only based on a mans opinion of Humanities existance. Also the absence of self control in your thought life means the first two points will become your worst enemy.

All things said with Love and Respect
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