Bad Friends and Bad Vibes

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When you look at the world we live in and the hard times we encountered in our childhood you will find that with brokenness of the heart comes a strong desire to arise in and wield power. This kind of power we want is for a strong sense of control and self esteem.. What happens when a broken person seeks to wield unhealthy forms of power on you..
Today I want to speak to those of us who keep friends who are manipulators..

Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics. By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at ANOTHER’S EXPENSE, such methods could be considered exploitative, abusive, devious and deceptive. Social influence is not necessarily negative.

When your friends become your manipulators there is a problem bigger than you on it’s way. A real friend will tell you.. “Watch out for that problem… This is for your benefit” a manipulator will keep their mouth shut and hope you don’t make it.. But how do we know we are being manipulated..?
Maybe the key is to unlock the conversation on what characteristic makes us vulnerable to being manipulated.

Do you suffer from the following?
1) The “disease to please” : Are you always looking for the perfect way to please others to the extent that you run yourself into the ground and destroy yourself and other good people in the process…? You may be stuck in an emotional cycle that is ruining you and making you susceptible to manipulation. In fact you are great candidate for manipulation.

2) Do you suffer from an Addiction to earning the approval and acceptance of others?
Do you consider yourself at the bottom and always trying to get to the top by beating your friends? Well it is likely you can be a victim of manipulation by those you place first on the stage of your life..it’s highly likely you will choose pretentious people over genuine ones..
You have to grow smart enough to know that true elevation does not happen through addiction to anything..in fact depression is usually the result. It’s time to turn a new leaf and find friends who want to see you progress..

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3) Do you suffer from, Emotophobia (fear of negative emotion; i.e. a fear of expressing anger, frustration or disapproval) Yep you too could be the victim of manipulation from dangerous friends. There is this general consensus that you never get angry about anything but you and I both know that is a lie.. You do get angry but you bottle it up and unleash that anger on the unsuspecting. You may very well become the manipulator if you are not careful..learn to express exactly how you feel and even as you pour out be mindful of everything you’re pouring.

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4) Do you lack of assertiveness and ability to say no?
Again you too are vulnerable to experience manipulation. As my mentor once said you “people” in this case the manipulators will use you and use you and use until you can’t be used anymore. You know they are dangerous because they get real mad when you can’t help them anymore. First it’s their disappointment then the manipulation intensifies…

5) Do you feel you have a blurry sense of identity (with soft personal boundaries)?
Well you will inevitably be manipulated..
“never stop doing good deeds but always remember that even goodness has self control” let every good deed be a decision not an under handed coercion by someone who wants what you are…

If you already know your manipulators and think that they are up to no good it’s time to walk free of their mental remote controls.. Learn to say no and ask questions when you don’t understand them. Don’t be a slave but be conscious of your service to them.. Endeavour to stay sober and its likely you will catch manipulators out but if you fall for their charms and wits you may very well end up weeping..

All that being said

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All things said with Love and Respect
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For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
send your email to.
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5 Things That Can Break A Man

5 Things That Can Break a Man

Every man has the opportunity and choice to live a life worth noting or taking notes from. Most of us prefer to learn from things that make people successful but we constantly over look the things that make men fail. Everything we consider to be Success is subject to personal opinion and perception but here is the thing, few men know the things that will tear down their success should they attain it because people don’t always emphasis the character necessary to keep it. Here is a list of things that that have been found to kill, steal or destroy your success.

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1) Frequently Lusting for lots of women and refusing to commit to the right woman. When a man is not settled on the kind of woman he will be with for the rest of his life it is highly likely that he will experiment with many women in order to fill the gap. The absence of a good woman or the silence of a good woman or even harming good women, can have a detrimental effect on a mans mindset. Most times you don’t know what’s broken until you actually become faithful. A lustful life may be self justified in your eyes until you’re looking for a more dependable relationship.

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2) Putting your Integrity up for sale:- Its more than a physical offer. For a man to drop his guard, most times the promise of prestige, respect, riches& women can be a mans downfall. Men crave respect and anything that brings it quickly, they would willingly trade they’re integrity for. How often do men sell their integrity for that” 15mins of Fame” “Or one Night with that girl”, the effects of which can last for years but inwardly tear their psyche apart. Most never realise that they have subconsciously sold their soul, until Everything is gone. Remember without integrity,
(The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.) Any success you have over yourself can be snatched away in a moment. With all your endeavors and aspirations always keep integrity close, protect your heart as a man and keep your honor. It is your greatest treasure
That is MANHOOD

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3) Indecision: A man undecided is a man compromised. A man compromised is a dangerous man to be around. If you have ever hung around indecisive men you will know that the lack of decision concerning anything can make or break the respect you have for them. Left to “indecision” men will drown and never overcome anything in their lives.A successful man who arrives at a junction in his life and refuses to make a forward thinking decision will be the victim of unforeseen trouble. If you don’t know what you’re going to do next always revisit your initial goals and adjust as necessary. With no goals or personal development “Indecision” can spell the end of your life before its time…

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4) Adulterating Yourself
“Render (something) poorer in quality by adding another substance, typically an inferior one.” Most men know when they are mixing themselves with something less than the right standard but unless something drastic happens, like loosing your marriage, loosing your business, loosing your house, loosing your children, you don’t do anything to stop. It could be bad friendships, bad relationships or even unforgiveness. Keeping yourself clear of adulteration is really an act of discernment on a mans part. Consistent failure to do this usually leaves room for “evil” in it’s most alluring forms to enter and snatch away the purity of your conscience and contaminate your heart.

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5) Poor Reactions in relation to (Self Control)
Poor reactions in important situations can mean the break down of a man.
Life always presents situations to us where we are to react in order to protect, or counter, or reverse or even change entire circumstances but a poor reaction can really be a life and death situation. As a man, poor reaction can mean you striking the woman you love, or going off on one because you have the facts wrong or saying words that you can’t take back. The ultimate outcome usually ends up something you regret in life. No one can ever preempt their reactions to anything but always be determined to remain in control of your actions.

Let me be clear, every man rich or poor, successful or aspiring for greater success must remain responsible for his own life. He should keep his lusts in check, invest in rather than sell his integrity, be decisive and active about his his life, refuse to degrade himself for temporary pleasures and make sure that self control is applied in all things pertaining to life.

All things said with Love and Respect
Please do subscribe and leave your comments below.

For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
send your email to.

mrvitouk@gmail.com
@MrVitoSpeaks

After The Break Up

Hi there, I trust that my thoughts find you feeling better or at least searching for some truth. Whatever the case this is me sharing with you a piece of the things I went through after my heartbreak. I share this only as a form of therapy so use it.

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A Bad Break Up.

9 Thoughts/Feelings I Had

1) The Morning after you break up with some one you dated you wonder why you showed them so much of yourself.
#Heartbreak

2) You question their genuineness as you rush through all the memories you have, both good and bad. Rationalising the good and deeply hating the bad.

3) When you weigh the odds and realise it was a total waste of your life and resources, you get mad & angry! You regret giving freely many of the things they didn’t deserve.

4) If you revealed your body, you feel abused and even naked yet physically fully clothed.

5) You may even cry and go through all your moments of submission to that persons selfishness.

6) If you revealed your insecurities you feel mentally ashamed of yourself and may even pick through your insecurities blaming yourself for even being vulnerable.

7) If you revealed your emotions you feel inwardly naked because their words were your blanket and cover. You could be free with them and tell all.

8) The deeper end is the sins you were willing to commit because you “Loved or Lusted” after the person the guilt you felt then and some you still feel now.

9) The feeling of being robbed financially, emotionally, mentally and even socially by an ex.

#HealingIsNecceasary
I went through it all and today I stand up smiling because I started for once to take who I am seriously, I had to receive love again to help restore the things I lost. I had to work hard to get my money back and most of all my self respect. What I gave was not all of me but from me. It means I have plenty more to give to the right person when the time comes. They took all my best “presents” but did not take my future. They damaged my self esteem but they did not take my dream. Whatever the cost you had to pay to be the man or woman you are today, wake up and write the rest of the story! We could slump in pain, embarrassment, shame, poverty and even mental recurring curses or stand up and say……..

9 Thoughts, Statements & Commitments That Helped Restore Me

1) My “Love” will be refilled and I will be loved again.
2) I should continue to love, but with wisdom, knowledge, and real faith in the persons substance.
3) I will find the right one with out having to give my body away to seal the deal.
4) My good friends are not my enemies.
5) He/She broke my heart but I can keep it broken or ask God for Healing.
6) Trust is not hard to give & real love is not easy to keep.
7) Promiscuity is not healthy for anyone let alone a broken heart.
8) I won’t experience a rebound if my team are supporting me.
9) I will not make a relationship real until I know that It will help me become the man/woman I need to be for the dreams we both have.

The 10th that made me overcome…..

10) No body should have the power to destroy a life they did not create. My heart is a treasure that must be guarded with all diligence for out of it come the issues of life. I will be a better man through Gods help by the time I meet the right woman. my faith is my integrity, and love is my choice not a random act. Emotions are by-products of continuous nurturing.

With that said your questions are always welcome and help is available.

All things said with Love and Respect
Please do subscribe and leave your comments below.

For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Enquiries
send your email to.

mrvitouk@gmail.com
@MrVitoSpeaks